SHADOWS OF SPIDERS

24 pills. 600mg of allergy medicine. Only active ingredient - diphenhydramine. One person. A whole world of emotions suppressed.

Shadows of spiders. Faces of loved ones. If I go back, I might never return. Why do these shadows interest me so much? Is it their openness? Their inability, or their unwillingness to hide the truth?

(on phone)


... The last in the pack. My roommate is at a get-together with his friends and I will have the room to myself for a few more hours. I smoke only a half of my second cigarette and head back to the room. I am feeling a little dizzy. Probably from chain smoking. I get to the room. There I get a pen and a piece of paper - I know it will be impossible to type on my iPhone later.

(on paper)

I play Dramamine (Modest Mouse) from my laptop. Beautiful song as it is, but I'm sure it will make more sense later on. I get myself a bottle of water - it will be essential as my trip progresses. Then I lie down in my bed and wait. Feeling more buzzed. Eyes relax and go out of focus sometimes. Several minutes later I decide to make a short playlist that contains six of my favorite post rock songs. I put it on repeat. Starting to see occasional flashes, but they are only occasional. I am in a curious mood. I've always wanted to see more of that beautiful world - the world of my rawest emotions. I love my family.

5pm. Harder to focus eyes. Vision is a little weird. Some more flashes. Walking feels different - it's more like floating. I turn the volume down on the speakers. Even though the music wasn't too loud to begin with, I want to be able to communicate with shadow people more easily. So Audio hallucinations? Maybe. Maybe not. Tingling on the tips of my finglers. Carpet looks slightly different - more red it has a reddish tone to it now.

Already have dry mouth, but it's not too severe. Writing and spelling becomes more challenging. Short term memory starts to slowly disapper. I see some patterns on the sheet of paper. Some more flashes. Hand become heavier. So far so good. Taking a break from wiriting. E

5:05 - Ti It felt like more time had passed. Only 5 minutes - that felt like 20 mins. Harder to compose sentences. Vision blurry, expecially when I look Hard to concentrate on the writing. I'm using a pen for that reason. With the pen I can use my muscle memory to put words down on paper. Some bright dots fly across the sceiling. Body heavy, vision glitches. 1st audio hallucination. Roommate said "Nope". Short term memory is almost gone.

5:15 Hands fe hold an to imaginary objects. Can't focus my eyse - cant's ,& is can stare at 1 point forever, letters start to jump around. B Time dilation is extreme. More audio hallucinations. Music a llittle sad.

Gonna go drink some water. then bathrom

Heard people in& my roommate. It was more like a visual. Flash starlled me. I cm thinking of writing scp faslter for my short term memory is fuckesd. Completing sentences requires enormous effort.

5:26

Taking a break from writing.
I

5:30 Loud sounds are sem very unpredictule - you I don't expect it to happen and it startles.
Can't wrte anymore. Very distracted. y
Fuckd.

Ill migbe I'll come back contine come back letter to writing later.